A time of transition
It has been a strange few weeks, I have recently moved from Amsterdam, via London, to Nice in France.
It's almost too idyllic here on the French Riviera, with its perfectly warm climate, its silvery blue ocean, the world's best cuisine, and what seems like the continual flirtatiousness of the French. Why someone hasn't recommended it to me before I have no idea.
In a world of so much struggle and drama this place is as close to paradise as I've yet to find. Yet spiritually this transition has been a difficult one, - I have left my Ile { My spiritual house and community }, my Padrino { Spiritual Godfather }, a large group of friends, acquaintances, and many happy clients behind. Emotionally it has been quite traumatising, but on the upside - and there is a big upside - I have recently fallen in love with Anna, my new partner, and her beautiful four year old son, Luke. Together as a family, after a blissful summer together in London, we have journeyed deeper into Europe with very little money but a whole lot of trust, and a truck load of good mojo on our side.
Anna truly is one of the most beautiful souls I have had the pleasure of meeting, yet this coming together, this entwining of souls, has been intense and again, magically speaking quite difficult.
For a few years now I have been single, yes there have been lovers that have come and gone, but nothing that lasted for any length of time. The main reason for this, I believe, is the same reason why the transition has been so tough, that being that my way of life and my Eggun are so strong that they blow anyone out the water that I allow into my inner circle. It's one thing to know friends, acquaintances and clients etc, but a totally different thing when someone becomes my partner - the cauldron can become very hot, so to speak, and up until now I haven't found anyone that can take the heat. In fact I'd resigned myself to a hermit's life. The Gods, however, had other plans and I have been truly blessed with this new relationship.
Not only do we get along great, but for the first time in years I have surrendered my magickal will to merge with another, and it is this that I have been finding so challenging and yet wonderfully rewarding.
From two comes the third and the creation of the Magickal Child, the possibility of something that is beyond the individual's reach alone; the reshaping of ones energy field and shamanic reference points.
I have always worked from a place of conscious vision. In other words, when it comes to the big changes in life, I always acquire vision and guidance from my spirits before I take action. On this occasion however, I received guidance but was told to surrender the outcome into my partner's hands. This is something I don't think I've ever done before.
It's almost too idyllic here on the French Riviera, with its perfectly warm climate, its silvery blue ocean, the world's best cuisine, and what seems like the continual flirtatiousness of the French. Why someone hasn't recommended it to me before I have no idea.
In a world of so much struggle and drama this place is as close to paradise as I've yet to find. Yet spiritually this transition has been a difficult one, - I have left my Ile { My spiritual house and community }, my Padrino { Spiritual Godfather }, a large group of friends, acquaintances, and many happy clients behind. Emotionally it has been quite traumatising, but on the upside - and there is a big upside - I have recently fallen in love with Anna, my new partner, and her beautiful four year old son, Luke. Together as a family, after a blissful summer together in London, we have journeyed deeper into Europe with very little money but a whole lot of trust, and a truck load of good mojo on our side.
Anna truly is one of the most beautiful souls I have had the pleasure of meeting, yet this coming together, this entwining of souls, has been intense and again, magically speaking quite difficult.
For a few years now I have been single, yes there have been lovers that have come and gone, but nothing that lasted for any length of time. The main reason for this, I believe, is the same reason why the transition has been so tough, that being that my way of life and my Eggun are so strong that they blow anyone out the water that I allow into my inner circle. It's one thing to know friends, acquaintances and clients etc, but a totally different thing when someone becomes my partner - the cauldron can become very hot, so to speak, and up until now I haven't found anyone that can take the heat. In fact I'd resigned myself to a hermit's life. The Gods, however, had other plans and I have been truly blessed with this new relationship.
Not only do we get along great, but for the first time in years I have surrendered my magickal will to merge with another, and it is this that I have been finding so challenging and yet wonderfully rewarding.
From two comes the third and the creation of the Magickal Child, the possibility of something that is beyond the individual's reach alone; the reshaping of ones energy field and shamanic reference points.
I have always worked from a place of conscious vision. In other words, when it comes to the big changes in life, I always acquire vision and guidance from my spirits before I take action. On this occasion however, I received guidance but was told to surrender the outcome into my partner's hands. This is something I don't think I've ever done before.
When we realised we wanted to be together and were unsure where we wanted to live (thinking at the time our choices were between Amsterdam or London), I set up my Boveda at home and we held a very small Misa Blanca to ask for guidance from the spiritworld as to where would be the most favourable place for our new home. My Gitana came through very strongly after my grandmother Lillie briefly visited to give her blessings, and said quite forcibly that we were to live in France in a place near to Italy and that there was much magic there for us to discover, also that it was time for us both to live somewhere warm and more relaxed. There were other messages but that was the most important when it came to our prospective move.
Immediately after the Misa, Anna asked if I'd ever been to Nice, to which I replied 'no'. She then said how funny it was that my Gitana should mention France as she had lived in Nice many years ago and had always wanted to return, saying also that it was very close to the Italian border. We laughed together realising that synchronisity was already occurring.
A few days later my Gitana gave guidance that I should allow her and Anna to organise everything for the move and that I was to keep my hands off, as I was busy working in Amsterdam.
It is this that I have found quite difficult, not the fact that I have had to surrender all control to the hopeful outcome of moving to Nice, but that in surrendering to them and maintaining my focus on my work at hand, I was moving to France magically blind.
I have physically been here now for just over three weeks yet I've only just arrived in my body. What I mean by this is that an aspect of my soul has only just caught up with the external changes that have happened in the last month or so.
This change has occurred almost miraculously and even though transformation is my stock and trade, so to speak, it has materialised so fast as to leave me energetically scattered on many continents.
Since I arrived I have felt vacant, spaced out and not fully myself. The first thing I did to rectify this was to set up my altar space and call in all my spirits. An old espiritista trick that my padrino taught me whenever moving house is to light a candle at my Boveda before I leave, tell my Eggun that we are moving and going to a new place of residence, then snub out the candle before it burns down and take it with me. Upon arrival I set up my Boveda, took the same candle and relit it, calling in all my Eggun, telling them that this is their new home and assembly point.
Unfortunately this time I did not get the immediate feeling of warmth and security I usually do when performing this simple ritual. Yes, my Gitana was tangibly present but the rest of my Allies seemed strangely absent.
When you work with your the spirits as closely as I do and the feeling comes that they are not all fully there, it can be a very disturbing and depressing feeling, as if part of you is missing.
Immediately after the Misa, Anna asked if I'd ever been to Nice, to which I replied 'no'. She then said how funny it was that my Gitana should mention France as she had lived in Nice many years ago and had always wanted to return, saying also that it was very close to the Italian border. We laughed together realising that synchronisity was already occurring.
A few days later my Gitana gave guidance that I should allow her and Anna to organise everything for the move and that I was to keep my hands off, as I was busy working in Amsterdam.
It is this that I have found quite difficult, not the fact that I have had to surrender all control to the hopeful outcome of moving to Nice, but that in surrendering to them and maintaining my focus on my work at hand, I was moving to France magically blind.
I have physically been here now for just over three weeks yet I've only just arrived in my body. What I mean by this is that an aspect of my soul has only just caught up with the external changes that have happened in the last month or so.
This change has occurred almost miraculously and even though transformation is my stock and trade, so to speak, it has materialised so fast as to leave me energetically scattered on many continents.
Since I arrived I have felt vacant, spaced out and not fully myself. The first thing I did to rectify this was to set up my altar space and call in all my spirits. An old espiritista trick that my padrino taught me whenever moving house is to light a candle at my Boveda before I leave, tell my Eggun that we are moving and going to a new place of residence, then snub out the candle before it burns down and take it with me. Upon arrival I set up my Boveda, took the same candle and relit it, calling in all my Eggun, telling them that this is their new home and assembly point.
Unfortunately this time I did not get the immediate feeling of warmth and security I usually do when performing this simple ritual. Yes, my Gitana was tangibly present but the rest of my Allies seemed strangely absent.
When you work with your the spirits as closely as I do and the feeling comes that they are not all fully there, it can be a very disturbing and depressing feeling, as if part of you is missing.
I have had this happen a few times before but in different circumstances. Very rarely (thank God) the majority of them will leave, and just one may stay and watch over my affairs, in this case my Gitana. Whenever this has happened it is always the first sign of a huge transition and transformation that is about to occur. It's as if the radio waves to my intuition are shut down somehow. When it first happened many years ago, I literally felt abandoned by God, went into a panic, and began eagerly invoking them back, but to no avail. Thank the Gods for Elders in these traditions, and after talking to them they described this as a natural part of my spiritual evolution, and that I should stop working for a while, rest as much as possible, and wait for their return and guidance. This thankfully short period of waiting has always felt agonising, yet when they finally arrive they bring new enthused power and vision to me for the next phase of my journey. It's as if they themselves have gone into spirit council where they acquire guidance and upon return transmit this new information to me.
I can't explain the feeling of joy and relief when their familiar communication, renewed vigour and power flows back into my soul and body.
This, however, was somewhat different, and at first I didn't understand why. I would simply go about each day waiting for 'me' to show up. After a few weeks of doing practical stuff as we moved into our new apartment and everything was finally in place, I asked my girlfriend if she would be a witness for me as I journeyed into the spirit realm with my now aching question:
'Where the hell am I?'
I can't explain the feeling of joy and relief when their familiar communication, renewed vigour and power flows back into my soul and body.
This, however, was somewhat different, and at first I didn't understand why. I would simply go about each day waiting for 'me' to show up. After a few weeks of doing practical stuff as we moved into our new apartment and everything was finally in place, I asked my girlfriend if she would be a witness for me as I journeyed into the spirit realm with my now aching question:
'Where the hell am I?'
I lay on my bed, said the formality of certain prayers and began to breath as I dived deeply into the void.
First my consciousness travelled back to London, to all the amazing times we had had there this summer, from picnicking on Hampstead Heath, to scouring through occult literature at Watkins in Leicester Square, then onwards to the British Museum.
The memory returned of a strong connection I had felt, for some strange reason, with John Dee the 17th century occultist. We had been guided to go to the museum to see his famous scrying mirror which is on permanent display there. We eventually found the rather bland (but none the less mysterious) polished obsidian mirror, but my fascination was instead drawn to a wax seal next to it, the Sigillum Dei, otherwise known as the 'Seal of God'. Its intricate carvings held my gaze, just as it did now observing it astrally from within the dreamtime.
My body shuddered and in an instant I was shot up out of the roof of the museum at lightning speed, as my consciousness was taken to the northwest of Scotland and the Callanish standing stones, a place by the way, that I have never actually been to. No sooner had my vision focused upon them, then I was transported again high into the night sky and propelled across the ocean to the Hill of Tara in Ireland, another ancient earthworks, and from there finally back to, of all places, Lewisham in South London, my place of birth.
My grandmother Lillie, who passed away a few years ago, came to me and said, 'These are the lands of your ancestors'.
I felt a sudden pang in my heart for my heritage, my family's Eggun and these ancient lands.
I realised in a flash what had been wrong with me for the past three weeks.
First my consciousness travelled back to London, to all the amazing times we had had there this summer, from picnicking on Hampstead Heath, to scouring through occult literature at Watkins in Leicester Square, then onwards to the British Museum.
The memory returned of a strong connection I had felt, for some strange reason, with John Dee the 17th century occultist. We had been guided to go to the museum to see his famous scrying mirror which is on permanent display there. We eventually found the rather bland (but none the less mysterious) polished obsidian mirror, but my fascination was instead drawn to a wax seal next to it, the Sigillum Dei, otherwise known as the 'Seal of God'. Its intricate carvings held my gaze, just as it did now observing it astrally from within the dreamtime.
My body shuddered and in an instant I was shot up out of the roof of the museum at lightning speed, as my consciousness was taken to the northwest of Scotland and the Callanish standing stones, a place by the way, that I have never actually been to. No sooner had my vision focused upon them, then I was transported again high into the night sky and propelled across the ocean to the Hill of Tara in Ireland, another ancient earthworks, and from there finally back to, of all places, Lewisham in South London, my place of birth.
My grandmother Lillie, who passed away a few years ago, came to me and said, 'These are the lands of your ancestors'.
I felt a sudden pang in my heart for my heritage, my family's Eggun and these ancient lands.
I realised in a flash what had been wrong with me for the past three weeks.
In shamanic tradition it is considered that we each have three souls: the celestial soul, the earth soul, and the underworld soul. When these are all perfectly aligned and present in one's body, destiny actively occurs, almost effortlessly. If, however, one of these aspects of soul is absent then illness and imbalance begin to occur in the person's life.
My insight from this enlightened perspective was that an aspect of my earth soul had dislodged, become absent from my body, and had become emotionally attached to England. This shocked me as I have never held the land of my ancestors in the greatest regard, in fact I have spent the last twenty years trying to escape it.
It is not the land itself but modern day British culture that I have come to completely despise. Yes I've lived on these islands, but the majority of the last twenty years has been spent abroad, and gladly so. This last summer of 2013 spent in London, however, had been so beautiful, so perfect: the weather was amazing, I was newly in love with my girl, we had money to spare, we dined at some great restaurants, and the wit and humour of Londoners had enthralled me again - something that had been deeply lacking in the other countries in which I had lived.
Something else had fundamentally changed as well though, London was not the place I left twenty or so years ago, it is now one of the most multicultural capital cities in the world, and I had totally loved being there with the different accents, the different nationalities, and most of all, the amazing variety of foods.
As all these thoughts and realisations cascaded into my consciousness, I allowed myself to fully feel the love and appreciation of my own country and the people there. I was overwhelmed with a feeling of honour and respect for my ancestral lineage and then, in an instant, my body automatically inhaled sharply as this aspect of soul returned to me, detaching from its longing, its clinging to the recent past and returning home to my centre.
I breathed deeply for a few minutes as the energy mingled and harmonised within me...
My insight from this enlightened perspective was that an aspect of my earth soul had dislodged, become absent from my body, and had become emotionally attached to England. This shocked me as I have never held the land of my ancestors in the greatest regard, in fact I have spent the last twenty years trying to escape it.
It is not the land itself but modern day British culture that I have come to completely despise. Yes I've lived on these islands, but the majority of the last twenty years has been spent abroad, and gladly so. This last summer of 2013 spent in London, however, had been so beautiful, so perfect: the weather was amazing, I was newly in love with my girl, we had money to spare, we dined at some great restaurants, and the wit and humour of Londoners had enthralled me again - something that had been deeply lacking in the other countries in which I had lived.
Something else had fundamentally changed as well though, London was not the place I left twenty or so years ago, it is now one of the most multicultural capital cities in the world, and I had totally loved being there with the different accents, the different nationalities, and most of all, the amazing variety of foods.
As all these thoughts and realisations cascaded into my consciousness, I allowed myself to fully feel the love and appreciation of my own country and the people there. I was overwhelmed with a feeling of honour and respect for my ancestral lineage and then, in an instant, my body automatically inhaled sharply as this aspect of soul returned to me, detaching from its longing, its clinging to the recent past and returning home to my centre.
I breathed deeply for a few minutes as the energy mingled and harmonised within me...
It's often thought that soul-loss occurs in the most traumatic moments of our past and yes, that is true, yet there is a responsibility to hold full presence in each moment and even the best of us can become enamoured, attached and lost to a circumstance or situation. We can emotionally lock ourselves into a memory, whether good or bad, at which point our power is immediately depleted and full attentive awareness is practically impossible.
Now I am fully present to my new home and life, truly honour the land of my ancestors and allow those spirits that wish to be with me here in France to gather around my now vibrant Boveda, which since journeying has consistently had a small circle of bubbles around the lip of the bowl - a sure sign of the circling and coming together of my spirits.
Of course there are still many challenges and adventures ahead but since this soul retrieval, I am at least now fully present to my circumstance, and my, what a good one it is - as I said before, it's bloody beautiful here...
{ This piece was written on Sept 23rd 2013 }
Now I am fully present to my new home and life, truly honour the land of my ancestors and allow those spirits that wish to be with me here in France to gather around my now vibrant Boveda, which since journeying has consistently had a small circle of bubbles around the lip of the bowl - a sure sign of the circling and coming together of my spirits.
Of course there are still many challenges and adventures ahead but since this soul retrieval, I am at least now fully present to my circumstance, and my, what a good one it is - as I said before, it's bloody beautiful here...
{ This piece was written on Sept 23rd 2013 }
